My Personal Call Board

Upon graduating from Bennington, I found myself constantly wondering how I was going to be an actor.  I would chew my nails, grind my teeth, and lose sleep over all those questions that go with being an actor: Am I good enough?  Will I ever even go to auditions?  Am I good enough?  How do I find said auditions without an agent?  Do I need an agent?  Am I good enough? I can't afford an agent!  Will I ever find the perfect monologue? Am I good enough?  Am I brave enough to go to auditions, and then just continue with my life and my work, regardless of the outcome?

Add to that deluge of insecurities the confusion over how to be a costumer as well, and you've got me in a nutshell.  Is there a way to pursue both?  How do I make sure I don't get locked into one line of work, and then miss opportunities in the other?

(((--- Honesty time -- I was also worried that I'd just be too damn scared to go to any audition. Ever. --)))

Since moving to Boston, I've been to 3 auditions.  Tonight marked my fourth.  When I moved, I set a goal for myself: three auditions by the December.  I didn't know if it was going to be possible.  One sort of fell into my lap, and from then on, with the help of friends with Stagesource accounts, I did it.  Three auditions in three months.  I got my headshots out there, and while no roles have resulted from my auditioning (yet!) I am still very proud of myself.

I now have a Stagesource account of my own and a new goal: 5 auditions between December 1 and June 30, as well as an application to the Sandglass Theater's Summer Puppet intensive.  One down, four and an application more to go!

I still haven't found the perfect monologue, and I think I will always wonder if I'm good enough.  However, I will not fret.  I do have a trick up my sleeve, thanks to a friend.

At that first audition, I was sitting with him, blathering on about how I wasn't Asian enough and that I was too young for the part.  He listened for maybe three words before shushing me, fixing me with a very sincere stage, and said, "You are exactly what they are looking for.  You have to walk in there believing that."  Since then, I walk into an audition with one thought: I am exactly what you are looking for.  One day, I will be.  Until then, I just do my best, have a blast, and come home to a treat.  Tonight, it's chocolate decadence cake from the DPH and a DIY facial.

I love auditioning.

Six months out

On Sunday, I closed my first show as costume designer in Boston: Not-a-Box New Play Festival with GAN-e-meed Theater Project.  It was a very good experience (seriously) and I was proud of the work I did.  I think that's the most important part, that I'm proud of the work I did. I met a whole bunch of wonderful, talented people.  And got another gig out of it.

Yesterday, I had my first production meeting for Stoneham's the young co production of Once Upon a Mattress.  Short and sweet -- I'm excited to delve into that project.

On Monday, I have an audition for Play About the Baby.

I did some thinking on Monday or Tuesday night.  I moved to Boston in September. I've been working consistently (both part-time and in theater) ever since.  By the end of the season, I'll have worked on --as designer or wardrobe-- six shows.  That's six runs.  That's work for an entire season.  I'll have been theatrically employed for the entire first theater season I spent in Boston.

I get breathless just thinking about it.  I don't know if I expected to be hunting for work on my hands and knees, or what... but I can't quite believe it.  The wonderful thing about all this is that I'm proud of the work I have done and excited about the upcoming shows.  I know that I am incredibly lucky to be able to say all this.  In the same breath, I know I've worked incredibly hard to get here.  I like that work pays off.  But I also like that I must continue to work hard in order to ensure more work.

It's funny... at Bennington, we called all of our projects and things to do our "work."  In that sense, I feel like I should be leaving the Dining Hall to go finish my work: MY WORK-- my artistically driven endeavors that, combined, represent my reality.  "My work," usually synonymous with "my blood, sweat, and tears."

I am so thankful and amazed that about six months out of undergrad, my work is now my life.